Once in a Lifetime
by ThinkingOfaName
Summary: Hermione and Ron both ponder over their feelings, both having the insane idea that they are not right for each other, but it is true that just once in a lifetime you find the one. The one you truely love.
1. Default Chapter

Something slightly different for me, I'm going to try writing in first person for a change. I'm thinking of starting with Hermione and then perhaps a second chapter for Ron's thoughts. Let me know what you think about it…

Have you ever notice exactly how snowflakes fall? That silent and graceful swinging motion they have before finding their final resting place. I like this time of year more than any other, everything just seems to be so peaceful and serene if only my life ambled along in the same way. Everything seems so hectic all the time it never just stops. Which is why I love to sit here and just stare out into that snowy space, that eternal space where time certainly seems to stand still and everything is beautiful. My head seems so full of thoughts these days, it's always got a certain fact or figure going around and if not that then all it seems to dwell on is '_him.'_ I wouldn't mind so much if things weren't, well, so complicated! He makes things difficult for us, and when I say '_us'_ I mean us as friends although I wish it was more, so much more. We always argue, sometimes I could just wring his neck and others, well, I could do something which I don't think I should really be thinking about. I can feel myself blushing at that very thought. Then my eyes drift as they always do to that focal point, the room could be miles and miles long but still I would be able to find '_him_'. It's like my eyes are subconsciously attached to his head, I find myself looking at him all the time, its like an invisible force which I can not control, and even if I could I'm not sure I would want too. I watch him struggle with his homework, I'll assume that its probably potions work that he's doing. He has always had a problem with that subject, I've lost count of the amount of times he has asked to borrow my work so he get 'ideas.' I usually and somewhat meanly tell him to do it himself and stop asking for my help all the time. I don't relish in annoying him, but most of the time it provokes a reaction and that's all i'm looking for, the attention. If I can't have it in the form I want it to be then I might as well have it negatively than nothing at all.

When I see him he makes me feel so happy and yet so hurt and angry at the same time. Such simple straight forward emotions but when they are combined together, trust me they are so confusing. The thought of him gets me fired up for many reasons, most of all because all he can seem to give me is a headache and that's usually from crying so much. Every time he shouts at me or lets anything harsh slip from his lips I just want to burst into tears which is what I always do when I'm alone. Alone that's most definitely how I feel right now. On the other hand the thought of him also makes me feel happier than I ever thought I could be, the way I feel about him just makes me want to explode with that happiness, sometimes when we're both about to push each other just that step too far I always want to shout out how I truly feel about him The truth is, yes, that I do indeed love him. It took me a long time to finally admit that to myself but now that I have I just have this urge all the time to tell him so.

There are many reasons why those words must never be uttered, I even speak them in my own head as if they were a whisper. He is a friend and a best friend at that. And I'm well, well I'm just 'me.' The person that always says and does the right thing. I can't afford to not be sensible, because when your not sensible bad things happen. You find yourself caught in all kinds of situations. Oh perhaps I just think too much?

I continue to watch him, he has stopped looking puzzled and is now talking to Harry, even the way his mouth moves makes me want him more. Oh come on I'm Hermione Granger why am I even talking about him like this? 'It's because of how you feel about him' my inner voice replies to me. Yes I know but it's so wrong, you can't have feelings for a best friend! Then it hits me again just how long I have felt this way. I remember the day when I first realised something new was beginning. I caught myself out, I had been sitting through a particularly boring History of Magic lesson (and yes even I find it boring sometimes!) and I found myself looking at Ron and dwelling on the sheer image of his face for far longer than I should have been. I even missed a few lines of notes I should have been taking down. I had then panicked in case it was something I might need for the end of year exams. It progressed as the months went on, I found myself wanting to look at him more, I would take in everything about him, the sound of his voice and even his scent. It sounds stupid, but even as I think about it now I can smell him. It makes me long for him.

I find myself in an uncontrollable situation, I have never been in one of those in my entire life which is why it has caught me off guard even more so. I have always planned things properly and to the utmost tiny detail, but this has me completely lost. It is so wrong to feel the way I do about him, or is it? I just don't know anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, then here's the second chapter this time from Ron's point of view. I have an idea for the following chapters after this, where they will most definitely admit how they truly feel (as that's what your really reading this for, right?) Please read and review, I greatly welcome other peoples opinions, many thanx:

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That's it I can't do this, I stare at my Potions homework which is all I seem to have been doing for the last quarter of an hour. I just don't understand it, and besides my mind just isn't on it, all I can think about is '_her._' As I turn around I see her sitting in the seat closest to the window, she seems to be staring into thin air. I wonder to myself what it is she must be thinking about, she just seems so lost these days, and every time we communicate its just argument after argument, we never just _talk_! God, how I wish I could just _talk_ to her sometimes, there's so many things I want to say and yet I know I just can't. I hate that feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I know I've upset her, although she does her best to hide it, I know I've hurt her. She always has to defend herself from me, what kind of best mate am I? It's not like she can turn to me if she's upset or anything because most of the time it's me that's bloody made her feel that way!

I see her head start to turn my way and I quickly look back at my work, I can feel my heart beating so fast, if I didn't know better I would think it was going to pop out of my chest. She must never catch me watching her again, I've been caught out before and it was such an embarrassing moment. For any normal person it wouldn't be a weird thing to do, they would probably just smile at her and carry on, but not me, I feel that redness taking over my cheeks and that's it I look like a first class Pratt! Am I such a fool for feeling the way I do about her? All I know is that's its not right, I can't be in… well I cant be in love can I?

I don't think I will ever understand my relationship with Hermione, well it's hardly a relationship is it? As much as I would love to just get up from this seat, go over to her right now and blurt out 'I love you Hermione Granger' that's never going to happen. She must never know how I feel, I anger her enough just with our petty arguments and that results in not speaking to one another for days, so what would telling her _that _do to our friendship? Would she laugh at me? Perhaps she would think I was just trying a new way to wind her up and think it was a joke? Or perhaps she would be so unbelievably offended and she wouldn't talk to me for months, or perhaps never talk to me again? I can't risk driving that kind of wedge between us. Just having her around as a friend will have to be good enough for me. I've dealt with this for long enough, so a couple years more won't hurt that much will it?

Every night I find my thoughts wandering to her, I know I shouldn't feel this way, but my mind dwells on her for sometimes hours before it switches off. I think about many things, what it would be like to hold her, to touch her. I am so near and yet so far from that being reality. I feel so close to her sometimes only to then realise that it will never be anything more than what we already have. I'm one of her best friends and your not supposed to jeopardise your friendship. I'm kidding myself anyway, just look at me, I'm no good for a girl like her. She needs someone who matches her intellectual level, someone she could have interesting and knowledgeable conversations with. Me? I don't know anything. All I know anything about is Quidditch, The Chudley Canons and the fact I love her… Damn it why do I have to keep saying _that_ word! She is never going to want to talk about any of those things though is she?

'_Oh stop beating yourself up mate' _my head seems to scream out, maybe I am being hard on myself, I would have something I could offer her. I would love her so much and I would never let anyone hurt her again, including myself. I'd protect her from all the bad things that 'our' world seems to be blessed with. There is no one that could care about her the way I do. I think back to when all these feelings first started, and to be honest I can never really pin point it exactly, I just remember finding myself wanting to be around her and wanting to wind her up, in a good way of course. I remember the first time I admitted to myself that I thought she was beautiful, I also remember blushing uncontrollably. How childish I was back then, to think that it was wrong to find a _girl _attractive instead of thinking they were horrible. For many years I had just thought they were annoying, giggly and just well… girly! Then it all changed I found myself falling for her, my best friend none the less and now here I am, a long time later and those feelings have deepened.

I look behind me again only to find that she's gone back to staring out of the window, lost in thought once more. I can't help it you see, I just HAVE to look at her, something inside my head just pulls me to her. I look at her perfect features, the way her hair, still with its trademark bushiness falls so delicately onto her shoulders, I have never seen anything so utterly beautiful in my entire life. I feel that familiar pounding in my chest again, I've got used to that feeling though. Just as I have got used to the feeling I get in my stomach when I see her for the first time during the day or when we've had different lessons and I see her for the first time in hours.

My thoughts are interrupted by Harry who is talking to me about next Saturdays Quidditch game against Slytherin, probably the biggest match of the year and I just don't care. What's wrong with me? I love Quidditch and I love to play it, so what am I doing? _'Your minds elsewhere mate, why don't you just tell her!' _my head comments once more. I need to stop thinking about this, its no good I can't carry on like this anymore, I'm driving myself insane. I mumble something to Harry to give him the false impression that I'm actually listening. I've become good at _that_ too. Pretending to pay attention when I really just can't. My mind drifts all the time, Hermione has a go at me for my lack of attention in class, but I just can't seem to help myself sometimes. I'm such a hopeless fool.


End file.
